QUESTION: My question is in terms of relationships that, as Pema Chodron says, are "meant to push your buttons". Specifically, the teacher/student relationship. In your own experience, how do you know when that relationship is completely over, and it's time for the next teacher, and when that relationship is just ready to be transformed and taken to the next level? The teacher/student relationship is fraught with adversarial conflict and compassionate detachment, as well as great commitment. It's one of the trickier ones in my own life..I want to raise my vibration so I can continue with my teacher, and it's incredibly challenging. Thank you for taking the time to contemplate this, especially since you are a teacher and we are your students too!
ANSWER: First of all, I would say we are meant to have MANY spiritual teachers, and healers along our spiritual journey. Each teacher will provide us something NEW to further expand our growth. If we remain with only one teacher we will greatly limit ourselves. We need to be very careful about becoming comfortable, co-dependent and attached to our spiritual teacher. The student always needs to be discerning with the information and teachings the teacher is presenting, as well as, be discerning with PROJECTIONS from your SELF, as well as, from the teacher. This will require extreme self honesty and self introspection on both parties ~ so be very careful of a teacher who no longer feels they need to do inner work.....we are all a work in progress! The teacher is learning and evolving as well!
The teacher/student relationship can become highly destructive, and harmful to your soul if the teacher begins to take away your FREE WILL. The teacher needs to always respect and honor where you are on your journey, and this requires EXTREME patience. The teacher is truly there to help you SEE your self, and also to help you develop and build confidence in your OWN inner voice and intuitive guidance system. This is where it can get messy because the student is oftentimes in denial, and may not truly want or be able to “SEE” themselves. If the teacher is not careful they may step out of their heart space, and become frustrated...perhaps even angry and controlling. Never forget the teacher is human, and working on their stuff too! A frustrated teacher would be very counterproductive because the teacher may start to tell the student how they should live their life, how they should feel and where they should be along their journey, and this is totally out of alignment with the students highest and best good because the teachers main role is to GUIDE, INSPIRE and help the student ACTIVATE and TRUST the inner voice within.
I personally do not resonate with the belief “relationships are meant to push our buttons”......it is true relationships can show us our character defects, but if we believe relationships are meant to push our buttons then that is exactly what we will create for ourselves ~ toxic relationships that keep us in a negative learning cycle. In addition, our belief will get us to behave in ways that always push other peoples buttons....and guess what, they will push our buttons back! What we put out, we always get back! We are moving out of the old paradigm of dualistic, negative, karmic co-creation! We have a choice (we always have had this choice but did not have the awareness) to create learning lessons through positive loving interactions or negative fearful interactions. Wherever our focus of attention/intention is aligned is what we will manifest for our self. Are we aligned with free will, love and compassion towards our SELF, and others, or are we aligned with the fear of trying to control others through the pushing of their buttons to get what we want? The “pushing of buttons” is a control mechanism based on duality ~ ego separation ~ where we unconsciously, and sometimes consciously, manipulate others not realizing what we do to them we also do to our SELf ~ because we are ONE.
Now, that is not to say ~ If we choose Loving Interactions over fearful ones ~ we will never create a negative learning experience with another soul again. Many of our relationships are contracted, and they are the catalyst for our greatest learning lessons. Our higher self is an ascended master, but our souls are still learning lessons in self mastery. We are becoming more conscious of the direction of our soul’s energy and the vibration we are emitting however, I have personally not met anyone who has total mastery over their mind, and complete energetic system. We are all still learning and being given the opportunity to self master sometimes through difficult interactions however, we do not want to keep our energy aligned with negative co-creation....we want to stay focused on what we do want, not what we don’t want.
I choose to be a presence of LOVE, and if I have someone in my life who REPETITIVELY “pushes my buttons” then I will first have to be really honest with my SELF and ask myself: “Why is this person here? What are they wanting to teach me, and is this THEIR lesson or is this mine? Perhaps the lesson is for both people....but not always. Given the diversity in levels of consciousness at this time on the planet ~ where many souls are ascending while some resist their expansion in consciousness ~ extreme discernment, self honesty and self introspection will be required for us to figure out what is being reflected to us. Oftentimes, you will discover the reflection is the energy of chaos and fear within both people (negative elementals and negative thought forms in the chakra system) that is stirring up trouble trying to throw each person off balance so more negativity can enter into each persons energetic system. Be discerning! Sometimes these interactions are created so your LIGHT can be stolen and diminished.
We live in energetically transformational times, and not all energies are wanting to return to the LIGHT of greater awareness so they are stirring up chaos and turmoil! Keep your energy field in tact ~ stay aligned and grounded within your higher self! If someone greatly upsets you, and you become angry your energy field may expand very rapidly, and open up space for something negative to come in......you will really need to address whether this relationship is worth putting your energy at risk! If someone is purposefully, repetitively pushing your buttons ~ ask your self if this is something you would like to continue to experience. You have free will, and you are the director of your life.....what do you want to experience? If this is something you feel you have had enough of ~
re-direct your energy and your focus. Release what no longer serves you, integrate a higher consciousness into your being by learning the lessons from this interaction, and move on towards something more life affirming. If you re-attract a similar interaction in the future, use the wisdom you gained from the previous situation, and handle it differently ~ show the universe you are evolving and mastering the need to recreate negative situations in your life.....show to the universe you can remain aligned with the LOVE of your higher self regardless of what is happening around you.
The teacher, healer, student role is a tricky one. It requires both people to respect each other, and requires tremendous self honesty and trust from both people. The teacher can become attached to the student just as much as the student can become attached to the teacher. When it is time to for the student to move on to a new teacher....the energy will become uncomfortable for both people, and if you remain in this relationship the Universe will end it very abruptly, and oftentimes painfully for you because you did not listen to the warning signs! This is part of your lesson in DISCERNMENT! In addition, the teacher also needs to be able to tap into the direction of energy with their students, and be willing to recommend to the student that it is time for them to allow the Universe to guide them to their next teacher that will support them on the evolution of their soul’s journey. Another very important aspect is the student should not DUAL with the teacher! BE RESPECTFUL! It is egoic and disrespectful to constantly be trying to challenge your teacher during your session. Simply take what resonates and leave the rest behind.... and if you no longer resonate with the teachers messages ~ then clearly it is time for you to find a teacher who you do resonate with.
I highly suggest for spiritual teachers, healers and aspiring students to read the book: “THE ETHICS OF CARING": Honoring The Web Of Life In Our Professional Healing Relationships By:Kylea Taylor. This book will greatly help you understand the dynamics of these relationships, and help you not fall into the common pitfalls that can create great confusion and pain.
Always keep in mind, the greatest teacher, friend and advisor is your HIGHER SELF! We need spiritual teachers in this dimension to help us activate our higher wisdom and to inspire us to move beyond our comfort zones ~ HOWEVER....do not put the spiritual teacher above the wisdom of the intuitive guidance from your HIGHER SELF.
~ Sabrina
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